Touch
“Under a spinal block, behind my screen, I feel nothing. Drifting in and out of a dream-like consciousness I hear…
When Paula met Belinda in 2003, they conceived the idea of a series of images that would challenge the oft-touted media stereotype of the transsexual woman as a freak and an outsider on the margins of society. They sought to challenge the viewer’s preconceptions with a different viewpoint – that of the transsexual woman as woman…as everyday woman, employee, commuter, shopper, friend, lover…as the woman next to you on the bus, in the street, across the counter.
Paula feels that she most likely born with the neurological structures of a female and the body and genitals of a male. Trans-sexuality, in concert with psychological and social factors, led to her growing up as she says, using a perhaps naive but essentially accurate expression, “a woman trapped in a man’s body”.
Like most transsexual people of her generation she struggled, increasingly unsuccessfully, to deal with the condition by denial and suppression. Eventually, the years of guilt and shame and pain proved too much and, faced with chronic depression and suicide, she finally acknowledged “her true self”.
Paula “transitioned” to living and working as a woman full-time nine months after counselling, hormone therapy, electrolysis to then have gender reassignment surgery and a legal name change. She transitioned among her neighbours and local community, amongst her friends and workmates.
Paula lives and works in Sydney. She now lives alone, since her husband passed away, and continues to work at Telstra. In her spare time she captures extraordinary documentary images of Sydney using film and digital cameras.
“Under a spinal block, behind my screen, I feel nothing. Drifting in and out of a dream-like consciousness I hear…
“Thudding through perspex door after perspex door. Overhead, bright lights slide by. Rubber soles and rubber tyres. Down through the…
“The birth analogy continues. I curl tightly into a foetal position about to give birth to myself. The anaesthetist prepares…
“A moment of gallows humour? Someone says something funny while we wait for the anaesthetic to take effect. I came…
“They tied and trussed me up like a Christmas turkey about to give birth. Swathed in green sheets; legs wide…
“I think maybe this image is pretty confronting – if you’re a guy. Is it? I dunno what a guy…
“This image always makes me think of those holy cards we got at school that showed Jesus’ hands clasped in…
“Putting the pieces back – in the right way this time. Ill-informed critics pursuing their own agendas talk of “amputation”…
“MASH 101 Outside it begins to hail. Inside, within the seeming vast garage-like interior of the operating theatre I lie…
“The theatre sister asks me my name. ‘Paula Kaye’. She has wrapped up her hair in a pink scarf. She…
“This image tickles Belinda’s fancy. Me too! There’s the nurse doing her crossword…and the TV camera. Meanwhile, I’m there, somewhere,…
“All done! All bandaged up, fixed up! The operation was done on a Monday. On Wednesday the surgeon will remove…
“After surgery, as my vagina heals, its tendency is to shrink and close up. Vaginal dilators are used by women…
“All the states of Australia allow for a transsexual person who has undergone the stipulated requirements of transition and surgery…
“Isn’t this a fairytale picture – I love it! For many transsexual women loneliness and rejection are real killers. It’s…
“Not long after the operation…My vulva is still bruised and swollen though healing well. I am happier, more complete than…
“Someone remarked that they thought this was a picture of twins. I suppose it is. My twin selves. Before and…
“My long hair has often been the one expression of femininity I was – begrudgingly – allowed. I treasured it…
“All prepped up and ready for surgery. The moment I never believed possible is here. I am very emotional. I…
“Becoming Woman is really about Revealing Woman. The woman who has always, some way, been there – hidden, asleep. The…
“It’s the length and intensity of the treatment necessary that makes electrolysis such a test of endurance for the transsexual…
“I am wearing two rings – my old wedding ring, for the last time, and the ring Alex has given…
“Paddington Markets on an autumn Saturday morning. Alex and I are old hippies. It’s so good, oh! so good to…
“All my life I’ve yearned – secretly, desperately, hopelessly – to dwell wholly within women’s space, speak solely with women’s…
“Easter 2004. My sister and I clown around; in the background my nephew and my boyfriend talk computers. My sister…
“I’d had very few friends in my life before transition. The effort of concealing my condition kept up an impenetrable…
“This is one of the first images Belinda took of me. Coogee beach in Autumn. It was bloody cold! She…
“I work for Telstra. The work is varied, challenging. The people are great. I’ve been there fourteen years. Telstra has…
“Everyday is a journey. One day at a time. I bear my reality through the day-to-day – catching the bus…
“I can be analytical, forthright, get my hands dirty…But I love pretty and lacy…Cleave to the feminine with my heart…
“Now, if you look closely, you’ll see I was pre-operative here, too. That’s the counterpoint in this image – everything…
‘I love my breasts. But oh! dear they’re small – like a teenage girl! I wear silicone inserts in my…
“Make-up is important. It helps to define and express my femininity. I try to find the right balance. I try…